I am reposting this blog that Thom Rainer put out recently. This is a very common story that is played out in the privacy of many pastoral homes across America. Jesus said that where your treasure is, that is where your heart will be also. Honestly and humbly assess who you really want to say that you are doing a good job. Is it ultimately your peers, yourself or your family? Don’t let this happen to your spouse.
The Lonely Pastor’s Wife
“Please allow me to share my feelings about the last many years of being a pastor’s wife. I tried on many occasions to talk to my husband about it (loneliness, neglect, wanting at least one evening a week together, lack of dating, etc.). We’ve gone to marriage seminars, talked to mentor ministry couples, and, still, things don’t change.”
The Pastor with the Messed Up Priorities
“He never schedules time for investing in our marriage and works all week in the office and then up all night on Saturdays getting his sermon ready. He leaves early Sunday mornings for preparations for the service and, by the time he gets home in the afternoon, he’s exhausted and definitely doesn’t feel like doing anything active or fun with the kids and me. He just wants to veg out on the couch.”
The Pastor Who Does Not Listen
“When I try to talk about my feelings, I’m “complaining” and not “following the call for my life.” I’m so tired of the cycle of neglect, loneliness, rejection, and hurt that, I hate going to church, don’t read my Bible anymore, and have to fight thoughts of divorce every single day. The church definitely feels like his mistress. I’m so hopeless and feel that I’m trapped. The one place I should be able to turn to, the church, is what is killing me on the inside.”
The Plea for Help
“If anyone has a recommendation for a fair and reasonable counselor in the Houston area who is used to working discreetly with people in my and my husband’s position, I would greatly appreciate it. I’m down to my last resort before bailing.”
My Reason for Sharing This Information
Any time I hear about a marriage failing, I feel sick to stomach. It happens too often. And it happens too often with those who are in vocational ministry. Of course, it is not limited to the role of pastor. Such cries of hurt are emanating from the spouses of all kinds of church staff.
So I offered her words to you with the hope that it could be a caution for all of us in vocational ministry. Love your spouses. Love your family. Take care of them. Give them the priority mandated by Scripture (1 Timothy 3:1-5).
To highlight the value of appreciation and partnership in the ministry family our association is hosting a special event this year. We will be saying an extra big thank you to the spouses who serve alongside our ministry leaders in our member churches.
CCBA to Host Pastor and Wives Appreciation Banquet this Fall
We are making it our mission to support and encourage the pastor and his family with the right resources and relationships so that they may be as fruitful as possible. Join us for a semi-formal event to recognize the unity needed between the pastor, his wife and their family to have a happy home and ministry. The CCBA Annual meeting will convene the following day.
When: October 14 6:30pm
Where: The Courtyard Marriott at 111 Holger Way, San Jose. Ca
Banquet Speakers: Pastor Port and Marshelle Wilburn
Cost: $12.50 per ticket if registered on or by Sept. 20 – limited to pastoral ministry staff and their spouses. Registrations after Sept. 20 are $45.00 per ticket.
Childcare for children 12 and under is provided during banquet – $5 per child, this includes a meal. Requires pre-registration.
Door prizes, 2017 Israel trip discount drawings, new relationships and resources for every family in attendance
Space is limited so register early.
* There are discounted hotel rooms available at the Marriott for pastor’s families who are in need of them for $49. This will allow you to attend the appreciation banquet and the missions conference the following morning without having a long drive to negotiate.
All banquet tickets, hotel rooms and prizes are being underwritten by the associational budget for our pastors and their families that we desire to encourage and bless. Thank you for your service to God’s people!
Highlight this link to register and to get more information: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ccba-pastors-wives-banquet-tickets-27065698232